Ask Louie

It's not all about me. This costume is one of the many concessions I make to lovely Mistress Leah.

It’s not all about me. This costume is one of the many concessions I make to lovely Mistress Leah.

Ok let’s get something straight from the get go. I do not speak honky talk. I do not honk. Cars honk (we’ll discuss that rudeness later)…geese do not honk. Geese enunciate. We speak clearly. We do not equivocate. Geese tell it like it is. From time to time I do get my feathers ruffled by the unintentional faux pas of your species when carelessly rambling about in what you blithely refer to as “the great outdoors”, which happens to be my home and the traditional home of my ancestors. The cumulative effect of these behaviors has caused the more creative and intelligent members of my kingdom to resort to befriending the interlopers, using the well known Taoist strategy, Stoop to Conquer. I think humanity calls it domestication…whatever.   After generations of studying your species, we have discovered that there is actually no ill will on your part, merely ignorance of the delicate subtlety that holds THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE TOGETHER!  Oh, sorry, sometimes I forget to use my indoor voice.

My dear, dear Miss Leah, who has applied herself and successfully learned from me the simple practices and courtesies so valued by us “natural” beings, has kindly extended to me the opportunity to educate her friends and visitors to Leah’s Front Porch.   An example of the rigorous training which Leah undertook, is illustrated below:

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This of course represents training of the highest level. I do not expect you to begin here, but rather let the unfolding of this wisdom proceed at your own pace. I welcome all questions, although I do not subscribe to the notion that there are no stupid questions. There most definitely are stupid questions, but ask them anyway. At the very least you will provide amusing entertainment for the rest of us. Ask me anything. I put the GOO in GOOGLE. I will slap the “silly” out of your notion of geese.

Louie

4 thoughts on “Ask Louie

  1. Louie, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance………Is it true that geese mate for life ? If so, could you please enumerate the benefits as it applies to your species ?……….thanx, Mr. Guy

    • Dear Mr. Guy,

      Such a romantic you are! While it is true that members of my species tend to partner up in lifelong relationships, it is not necessarily in the context of mating…we just like someone having our backs.

      I for one find the company of my good friend, Clark, to be most beneficial in terms of companionship, camaraderie, and the aforementioned having my backness…without all the messiness that humankind likes to associate with, ugh, marriage. Indeed, even though Clark & I could probably petition for “legalizing” our relationship in the state of California, we prefer to maintain our bachelor status, FOR LIFE!

      Semper Fidelis and all that… if it were to come to a debate over which fowl is best served for the holidays, Duck would definitely get my vote.

      In other words, you seem like a nice Guy, but let’s just stay good friends.

      Louie

    • Dear Cinders,

      Clark and I have known each other since we were but innocent fledglings. We instantly took a liking to one another while we were doing time in the pen (yes, we were innocent).

      We would exchange knowing glances through the cage wire…we were cruelly separated by species at the time…every time one of his cage mates would ridicule Clark for being an “Ugly Duckling”. I gradually assured Clark that he was not a duckling at all, just a very short very colorful goose. It kept him going.

      On the day we arrived at Miss Leah’s farm, free as birds, I officially declared Clark a member of The Order of Gaggle, and he has retained his ganderhood ever since.

      And if you believe that one, I’ve got a good book of fairy tales for you…written by my mother no less.

      Cheers,
      Louie

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